Your New World Coaching Blog

Setting & Keeping Goals

2009-01-14T14:19:00.003-05:00

We've all heard it before, but it's something that we think we can all use a reminder on -- that's what makes a good goal. Remember the criteria for goal setting? It's using SMART Goals. So here is what a SMART Goal is and how to set goals that will give you the best chance of success.

Then, after that, we're going to show you the difference in goals that Fran set last year and this

year and we think you'll see why this year's goals will have a better chance of success.

Creating S.M.A.R.T. Goals

Specific
Measurable
Attainable
Realistic
Timely

Specific - A specific goal has a much greater chance of being accomplished than a general goal. To set a specific goal you must answer the six "W" questions:

*Who: Who is involved?
*What: What do I want to accomplish?
*Where: Identify a location.
*When: Establish a time frame.
*Which: Identify requirements and constraints.
*Why: Specific reasons, purpose or benefits of accomplishing the goal.

EXAMPLE: A general goal would be, "Get in shape." But a specific goal would say, "Join a health club and workout 3 days a week."

Measurable - Establish concrete criteria for measuring progress toward the attainment of each goal you set. When you measure your progress, you stay on track, reach your target dates, and experience the exhilaration of achievement that spurs you on to continued effort required to reach your goal.

To determine if your goal is measurable, ask questions such as......How much? How many? How will I know when it is accomplished?

Attainable - When you identify goals that are most important to you, you begin to figure out ways you can make them come true. You develop the attitudes, abilities, skills, and financial capacity to reach them. You begin seeing previously overlooked opportunities to bring yourself closer to the achievement of your goals.

You can attain most any goal you set when you plan your steps wisely and establish a time frame that allows you to carry out those steps. Goals that may have seemed far away and out of reach eventually move closer and become attainable, not because your goals shrink, but because you grow and expand to match them. When you list your goals you build your self-image. You see yourself as worthy of these goals, and develop the traits and personality that allow you to possess them.

Realistic - To be realistic, a goal must represent an objective toward which you are both willing and able to work. A goal can be both high and realistic; you are the only one who can decide just how high your goal should be. But be sure that every goal represents substantial progress. A high goal is frequently easier to reach than a low one because a low goal exerts low motivational force. Some of the hardest jobs you ever accomplished actually seem easy simply because they were a labor of love.

Your goal is probably realistic if you truly believe that it can be accomplished. Additional ways to know if your goal is realistic is to determine if you have accomplished anything similar in the past or ask yourself what conditions would have to exist to accomplish this goal.

Timely - A goal should be grounded within a time frame. With no time frame tied to it there's no sense of urgency. If you want to lose 10 lbs, when do you want to lose it by? "Someday" won't work. But if you anchor it within a timeframe, "by May 1st", then you've set your unconscious mind into motion to begin working on the goal.

T can also stand for Tangible - A goal is tangible when you can experience it with one of the senses, that is, taste, touch, smell, sight or hearing. When your goal is tangible you have a better chance of making it specific and measurable and thus attainable.

2008 New Year’s Resolutions

1. Embrace a healthier lifestyle
a. Better food choices
b. 3X/week Gym

2. Complaint Free

3. Do something 1X/month

4. Don’t make decisions for other people – say what I want

2009 New Year’s Goals

1. Weight
Week 1. Recognize Hunger and feeling of Not being Hungry
Cut Out French Fries

Week 2. Recognize Satiated Feeling
Stop Eating when no longer hungry
Cut Out French Fries

Week 3. Recognize Satiated Feeling and Stop Eating
Cut Out French Fries
Alternate a drink with club soda

Week 4. Stop Eating when no longer hungry
Cut Out French Fries
Alternate a drink with club soda
Be aware of Impulse Eating
Week 5. Stop Eating when no longer hungry
Cut Out French Fries
Alternate a drink with club soda
Stop Impulse Eating

2. Exercise:

Week 1. Walk Away the pounds tape 3x – 20 min
Strength Training 6 exercises light weights twice a week

Week 2. Walk Away the pounds tape or trampoline 4X/wk 20Min.
Strength Training 8 exercises – increase Weights 3X/wk

Week 3. Add 5 minutes to cardio – 25 min, 4X/wk
Strength 4X/wk – 2X chest and back
2X Arms and Legs

Week 4. Add 5 min to cardio – 30 min
Strength 4-5X/WK 2X chest, back and shoulders
2X Arms and Legs
1X Balance

Week 5. Add 10 min to cardio – 40 min, 4X/wk
Strength – Continue Program

3. Embrace my mantra that I don’t have to take care of everything
and everyone – learn to say NO.

4. Keep our house clutter-free.
a. Use Office for bills not ready to pay or mail.
b. Put all torn out articles in files.
c. Throw Out!!!

5. Finish Projects:
1. Mary’s needlepoint
2. Needlepoint from 30 years ago – one square left
3. Jared’s Rug – from 20 years ago.
4. Redo existing albums and scan to computer.
5. Sort, scan and put in albums pics in boxes.
6. Finish knitting sweater

6. Telephone etiquette

7. Work on staying focused – Use timer

So let us know how you're doing with your goals.

Small Steps to Big Change

2008-09-21T19:05:00.003-04:00

Making Big Change Easier

This article has been reprinted from DailyOM.

When we decide that it's time for big changes in our lives, it is wise to ease into them by starting small. Small changes allow us to grow into a new habit and make it a permanent part of our lives, whereas sudden changes may cause a sense of failure that makes it difficult to go on, and we are more likely to revert to our old ways. Even if we have gone that route and find ourselves contemplating the choice to start over again, we can decide to take it slowly this time, and move forward.

Sometimes the goals we set for ourselves are merely indicators of the need for change and are useful in getting us moving in the right direction. But it is possible that once we try out what seemed so ideal, we may find that it doesn’t actually suit us, or make us feel the way we had hoped. By embarking on the path slowly, we have the chance to look around and consider other options as we learn and grow. We have time to examine the underlying values of the desire for change and find ways to manifest those feelings, whether it looks exactly like our initial goal or not. Taking small steps forward gives us time to adjust and find secure footing on our new path.

Life doesn't always give us the opportunity to anticipate or prepare for a big change, and we may find ourselves overwhelmed by what is in front of us. By choosing one thing to work on at a time, we focus our attention on something manageable, and eventually we will look up to see that we have accomplished quite a bit. Forcing change is, in essence, a sign that we do not trust the universe’s wisdom. Instead, we can listen to our inner guidance and make changes at a pace that is right for us, ensuring that we do so in alignment with the rhythm of the universe.

What do you think?

The OM-Tip

2008-09-10T11:18:00.004-04:00

A friend of mine who was a major catalyst in my mental "makeover", Kristy Iris, is a feng shui practioner and has a website www.fizom.com and newsletter. The day I wrote this issue's "Visions" Musings, I received her newsletter and thought one of her articles complemented it:

"Om is a universal sound. It brings peace and balance. And that is what we seek here. How to live a life that is fully expressing your most authentic self? This is about finding the balance of your inner world - the om and the outer world- the fiz.

Life may be a bit bumpy at times. You may be laughing that this is an understatement- bumpy like an avalanche.
Hold on.
Know that this too shall pass.
It's all an illusion.
Try thinking of your life as a show of what your inner self needs to experience. Look back- haven't you found that often what seemed like the most heartbreaking, end of the world as you know it situation, turned out to be the biggest gift for you? It was a defining moment in your life. It's just that when you are in the middle of the "show", and you are putting on an award winning performance, as all your players are, it's a little difficult to really remember it's all a show.
Can you enjoy the show? Can you laugh at the plot line? Can you giggle at how well the drama was written? How will you, the star of the show turn it all around and into a happy ending?
Think about it. Write out your happy ending.
You know, you are also the playwright. You can create the happily ever after you desire.
And- you deserve it!

Dr. Phil Sez

2008-08-06T15:47:00.006-04:00

Sometimes, when we find our lives spiraling out of control, we turn our anger on others. But, is that really how you want to behave? Is your anger making your life more difficult, interfering with your relationships, causing you chronic unhappiness?

Dr. Phil gives the following suggestions:

Define your payoffs, then cut them out. You're getting something from your behavior, or else you wouldn't do it. Work on gaining confidence—low self-esteem and pent up guilt gives you an excuse to sit on the sidelines. It gives you an excuse to be less than you can be.

Behave your way to success. Your past easily becomes your future because what you fear, you create. If you feel deprived of some experience, or emotion from some one else, give yourself emotional closure. Give yourself what you didn't get from someone else now. Create what you want out of life. If you want to be loved, be loveable. If you want to get your family interested in your life, get interested in their lives.

You choose your behavior; you chose the consequences. You are an adult now and you need to take responsibility for your actions. You can't blame your family anymore. You are old enough to do something about your feelings. Your family can't take this on. The greatest stress in life is to hold someone else accountable for something they can't control. The only person you control is you.

It all comes back to the life law statement, "You've got to name it before you can claim it." If you are stuck in an unsatisfying life, ask yourself what would make you happy? Write out what you need to hear from your family that you've never heard before. Be very specific. Give your list to your family. Ask them to read it, consider it and respond. Open your heart, put the spirit of criticism aside. Be ready to do the same for your family.

Ending The Cycle

2008-08-06T08:10:00.005-04:00

This was originally printed in the June 5, 2008 DailyOM and we thought it a fitting compliment to the newsletter:

Ending The Cycle
Start Today

One of the hardest things in life is feeling stuck in a situation that we don’t like and want to change. We may have exhausted ourselves trying to figure out how to make change, and we may even have given up. However, each day offers us an opportunity to renew our resolve and to declare to the universe that we are ready for change. We may even say out loud that we have tried and struggled and have not found a way, but that we are open to help, and that we intend to keep working to create change for ourselves. Making this declaration to the universe, and to ourselves, may be just the remedy for the stagnation we are experiencing. And, it can be done today, right now.

It is difficult to understand, even with hindsight, how the choices we have made have added up to our current situation, but it is a good idea to examine the story we tell ourselves. If we tend to regard ourselves as having failed, this will block our ability to allow ourselves to succeed. We have the power to change the story we tell ourselves by acknowledging that in the past, we did our best, and we exhibited many positive qualities, and had many fine moments on our path to the present moment. We can also recognize that we have learned from our experiences, and that this will help us with our current choices.

When we do this kind of work on how we view our past self, we make it possible for the future to be based on a positive self-assessment. This inner shift may allow us to get out of the cycle we’ve been in that’s been keeping us stuck. Now we can declare our intentions to the universe, knowing that we have done the inner work necessary to allow our lives to change. Allow today to be the day to end cycles and enter into a new way of being.

Underneath The Noise-Hearing the Whisper

2008-07-22T12:23:00.004-04:00

Reprinted from DailyOM.

You may have noticed that if you want to speak to someone in a noisy, crowded room, the best thing to do is lean close and whisper. Yelling in an attempt to be louder than the room’s noise generally only hurts your throat and adds to the chaos. Similarly, that still, small voice within each of us does not try to compete with the mental chatter on the surface of our minds, nor does it attempt to overpower the volume of the raucous world outside. If we want to hear it, no matter what is going on around us or even inside us, we can always tune in to that soft voice underneath the surrounding noise.

It is generally true that the more insistent voices in our heads delivering messages that make us feel panicky or afraid are of questionable authority. They may be voices we internalized from childhood or from the culture, and as such they possess only half-truths. Their urgency stems from their disconnectedness from the center of our being, and their urgency is what catches our attention. The other voice that whispers reassurances that everything is fundamentally okay simply delivers its message with quiet confidence. Once we hear it, we know it speaks the truth. Generally, once we have heard what it has to say, a powerful sense of calm settles over our entire being, and the other voices and sounds, once so dominant, fade into the background, suddenly seeming small and far away.

We may find that our own communications in the world begin to be influenced by the quiet certainty of this voice. We may be less inclined to indulge in idle chatter as we become more interested in maintaining our connection to the whisper of truth that broadcasts its message like the sound of the wind shaking the leaves of a tree. As we align ourselves more with this quiet confidence, we become an extension of the whisper, penetrating the noise of the world and creating more peace, trust, and confidence.

Mental Prisons

2008-07-14T16:41:00.006-04:00

I get a daily email entitled ''Insight of the Day". On July 14th, I received the following which I thought was a complement to our "Visions" article "Are You Afraid To Be Happy?"

Mental Prisons

"Some time ago I did a show on Habits. They play an important role in your life. Like many aspects of your life, habits can be considered both a blessing and a curse. Robert Russell in his magnificent little book "You Try It" wrote that habit was God's way of making good automatic in your life.

I had a wonderful friend in Atlanta, the late Dr. Jay Dishman, who wrote an excellent article about habit in his monthly newsletter dated February 1985. I have shared Dr. Dishman's article with thousands of people around the world. Today I want to share it with you. Here goes!

"Recently I visited Alcatraz Prison. Once it housed the most hardened of criminals. Today it is open to tourists under the direction of the United States Parks Department. Many men have tried to escape Alcatraz; no one is known to have succeeded. As I listened to the tour guide explain the impossibility of escape, I thought of other prisons equally confining but where the doors are never locked, no guards walk the halls, and escape is encouraged and possible. That prison is Habit."

Our habit is thinking about ourselves and our environment as a jail or a paradise. We need but to look around us to see people who are rich emotionally and materially because they think and feel rich. We also see people who are laden with emotional and material debt because they think lack. Some are inspired with vision, others are encumbered with doubt. Some are moved by ambition, others feel safer in monotony. Some reach for the mountain tops, others huddle in the pits. Some seek opportunity, others wait for it to knock. The sad fact is that more people are confined by their thoughts than are fed by them.

Negative thinking shuts us in a prison, but there is a way out. The apostle Paul said, "Be transformed by the renewal of your mind." Paul knew a lot about prisons, both physical and mental. You renew your life by renewing your mind. You renew your mind when you change your habit of thinking.

Dr. Jay Dishman helped thousands change their habit of thinking in his lifetime. Now hopefully he has helped you."

Bob Proctor

Bob Proctor is a speaker, personal success coach and author of the best selling book "You Were Born Rich."

9 Ways To Get More Out of Your Day

2008-06-09T13:06:00.002-04:00

In our newsletter, "Visions" we started an article by Mary Guarino, Ph.D that I saw printed in SparkPeople.com. If you would like a copy of "Visions" please email us or go to our website and sign up.

To continue the article:

"Set aside a certain amount of time each day just to do what you want to do. How about 1 hour each day? If that’s not “possible,” start with smaller increments of time, say 15 minutes, and work your way up.
Doing part of something is better than doing nothing. Even if you can’t complete a task or a project, it is better to take a small “chunk” out of it rather than letting the whole thing slide until later. If you absolutely “hate” working in that manner, then just make sure you set aside a specific time to complete the entire task or project.
Learn to say “No.” This isn’t always easy, but it can make a world of difference. Even if you don’t want to say “No” completely, try to set limits around how much you will do and when.
Bundle your tasks. Save up non-urgent errands so that you can do those that are logistically close to one another.
Delegate. How much is your time worth? It may be worth the cost of hiring someone to do things like mow your lawn, clean your house, AND you will be purchasing the precious commodity of time. It’s more than okay to ask for help.
Do the yucky stuff first. Take care of the tasks that you dislike so that you don’t waste precious mental time ruminating about not having done them!
Are the things you feel you “have” to do really necessary? It can be easy to get caught up in the details to the detriment of the big picture.
Take an honest look at the activities and people in your life that are “energy drainers.” Do they need to be part of your life? What would happen if you eliminated or reduced your time spent on/with them?
And, most importantly, set aside time each week to do something special. Make sure that, no matter how busy you are, you take time to play. Spending time with friends, outdoors, at the movies, whatever makes you happy, is essential in helping you be the most focused and effective you can be with your time."

A Reason, A Season or A Lifetime

2008-05-24T14:50:00.011-04:00

I am sure that all of us have look around one day and thought, "I wonder whatever happened to...?" because people come and go in our lives all the time.

When I was first widowed in 2000, I found an online support group that was a tremendous help to me in a time of emotional distress. A group of us actually met face to face and some us us formed a bond through our grief. But the farther along we progressed in our journey, the less we had in common. Our lives went in different directions and I was the first to remarry. We found that we no longer had a reason to spend time together and we all went our separate ways. We were all there for each other in our time of need, but no longer had a compelling reason to continue those relationships.

Then, there are work friends. You have lunch together, go out for drinks on occasion or maybe play golf or softball with them. And when you leave that job, you really believe that you will keep in touch, but honestly the thing that bound you together no longer exists and you drift away from those relationships. Those are people who are in your life for a season.

And last but not least, there is THE FAMILY. I emphasise this because it is the most complex and puzzling relationship of all.

First we have our parents, who hopefully gave us a solid foundation and the tools to become productive human beings. Their impact is with us for a lifetime.

Marriage is supposed to be for a lifetime and even if that is not the case, the impact lasts forever. I was happily married to my late husband for 12 years, and that helped shape me into the person I am today. It is also that experience that has enabled me to have a happy and sucessful relationship with my current husband. Now, he was married twice before he met me. He has one child from his first marriage. When he remarried, his daughter gained a new set of aunts, uncles, cousins and a set of step-grandparents. They were her family for five years and when that marriage ended, their relationship with this young woman ended as well. An entire family walked away as if she never existed.

What about the siblings who have a falling out and then begin dragging up every thing you ever did to them going back to puberty. Are they looking for an excuse to distance themselves from you? Who knows.

I remember when my late husband needed a bone marrow transplant, and I asked his siblings to be tested to see if they would be a match. Rather than the answer that I expected to hear, which would be "Of course, I will do it right away," his sister said that she would have to think about it because her brother used to hold her under water in the backyard swimming pool when they were kids. Are you kidding me?

Relationships of all kinds serve a purpose in our lives, even when they are complicated and not very fulfilling. With every experience, we learn and we grow, even if we don't understand.

It is said that people are in our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime. To read about exactly what that means, please go to our newsletter. It may help to put things into perspective.

Conquering Chaos

2008-04-14T08:17:00.004-04:00

Is your social calendar filling up faster than you can say Barbecue? Have you been trying to figure out how you are going to fulfill all your family, career and social obligations without running yourself ragged? Well, you are not alone.

In the month of May, I don't have one weekend day without an obligation that takes me away from home. And that doesn't include all the weekday evening additions to my calendar that keep me busy. So, how do you get everything accomplished without making yourself crazy? Here are some suggestions:

Utilize the KISS philosophy - Keep It Simple Stupid.

Use a crock pot or take a page from Rachel Ray's 30 minute meals to provide simple yet nourishing dinners for your family.

Make a list - keep your planner handy and use lists to make sure that you have everything overed.

Take advantage of the Internet for shopping. Gift cards are another way to simplify.

Car pool whenever you can. Have parents alternate driving obligations to games, parties and sporting events.

Limit your participation - it is okay to say NO when you really don't have the time or desire to attend.

I recently received invitations to 2 weddings on the same day and accepted the invitation that I received first. When bridal shower invitations arrived for both brides, I chose to attend the shower for the bride whose wedding I was NOT attending, so I was able to participate in each in some fashion.

Bridal shower gifts were ordered, wrapped and delivered by using the gift registry on line. I will do the same with wedding gifts.

Take time to decompress. Book a massage or a pedicure or play a round of golf. Make sure that your wardrobe is cleaned and pressed and that your shoes are shined. Buy a few bottles of wine to bring as hostess gifts. Keep a few items in your pantry so you can throw together a simple appetizer, dip or dessert for that covered dish party.

Organization is the key. Just spending a few minutes each day to check your list, to make a quick phone call or to ask for help will make the difference between being frustrated and having fun.

Daily OM: The Journey Of Commitment

2008-03-27T18:59:00.003-04:00

In our April15th newsletter "Visions", we discussed what this article meant to us. Here's the article in its entirety. To read our newsletter go to our website www.yournewworldcoaching.com and sign up for our newsletter and we'll send you the issue.

March 26, 2008
The Journey Of Commitment
Entering Into Commitment

Loving and committing to another person is a spiritual process whether that means a wedding or any other type of commitment ceremony. So often when we enter into a relationship we allow our emotions to lead us forward without thinking more deeply about what true commitment involves. If we can understand that sharing our lives with another person is not just based on love, but also on the hard work of being able to compromise and enter into a dialogue with them, then we are much more likely to find the key to having a successful relationship with our partners. So many people have not experienced a loving relationship between their own parents and therefore have no role model of what love should feel like or look like.

Many of us have been exposed to the idea that love should be romantic and sweep us off our feet. While this is a natural part of any relationship, the true test of our love comes from our willingness to explore this world with another person; to not only share in the delights that we encounter but also to negotiate the bumps in the road together. Generally this often takes the form of a mutual exchange of ideas, but, because any relationship is based on the needs and experiences of two people, we might also face a certain amount of misunderstanding. Learning to be open and receptive to our partners and to treat their wants and ideas with respect can help us to navigate even the most difficult situations. One way to do this is to take a deep breath, holding our partner in a space of love, allowing ourselves to listen fully with our hearts to what they have to say. Should this become difficult to do, we can also turn toward people whose relationships we admire for advice or gu! idance. Knowing that there are resources out there to help us and being up for exploring them with our partner will only serve to deepen and strengthen our relationship.

Entering into a committed relationship is in fact a spiritual journey that we undertake with another person. By being able to love and care for someone else with an open heart, we will find that we can reach a greater level of personal transformation, evolving along our path and learning powerful lessons about ourselves that we might not otherwise be able to do on our own.

Book Discussion Group - Eat, Pray, Love

2008-01-20T16:07:00.000-05:00

In this New York Times best selling novel by Elizabeth Gilbert, she sets off on a year - long journey following an exhausting divorce and post-marriage relationship breakup.

On WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 27th at 7:00 PM EST we are sponsoring a book discussion teleconference group.

Grab a cup of coffee or a glass of wine, settle into your favorite comfy chair and dial in. It's that easy!

For those of you who have not read the book, but would like to, it's as easy as clicking on the book icon to the left and Amazon.com will deliver it to your doorstep.

So, go ahead and mark the date in your calendar. And don't forget to post your comments to us here so we can forward you the teleconference information. Or email us at :info@YourNewWorldCoaching.com.

Check Us Out-We've Been Published!

2008-01-13T10:17:00.000-05:00

If you check out the right hand side of the blog below our photos, you will notice a new icon that reads," Expert Ezine Articles Author."

That's because we recently had our first article published on EZINE - the electronic magazine. This is in addition to our previous publication thru iSnare, which picked us up in 2007.

By clicking on the icon and typing one of our names or YourNewWorldCoaching into the search feature, you can access our article entitled "Alone Verses Lonely."

We are excited by this latest accomplishement and wanted to share it with you. Our goal is to publish articles on a regular basis, so please check back periodically to see our latest work.

Happy New Year!

2007-12-31T14:37:00.000-05:00

New Year's Day is the time when many people choose to make RESOLUTIONS. We prefer to look at them as New Year's Goals!

By putting a positive spin on our desire to make life changes or improvements, we take the first step toward reaching our goals.

Think about something that you have always wanted to do. What has been stopping you? How would you feel about making a priority in 2008 to finally tackle one thing on your list that has been holding you back?

To find out how you can make - and keep - your goals for the New Year, join us for our 2 part teleclass on January 15th and January 22nd. For additional information, email us at info@yournewworldcoaching.com.

Happy Thanksgiving

2007-11-19T17:03:00.000-05:00

Wishing you a day of peace and gratitude. Take a moment to stop and think of something to give thanks for, no matter how simple it may seem.

Relax and enjoy!

Managing Holiday Stress

2007-10-24T20:13:00.000-04:00

IF YOU'RE HAVING THE FAMILY

OK, Thanksgiving is right around the corner-it is a bit early this year. You haven't even figured out whether to stay home or go out, or even who will be joining you. Your daughter got married last year and her in-laws expect them for dinner. The tug-o-war begins.

One year, I decided to forgo the customary holiday pies for dessert in favor of apple tart tatin and pumpkin creme brulee. Oh my, you would have thought I had commited a felony for deviating from the standard Thanksgiving fare.

Silly me. Yet, every year, I go in search of something different to add to my holiday repetoire, just to mix it up a bit. At least I'm not boring!

If you're having the family over, here are some simple ways to relax and enjoy the holiday-a way to be a guest at your own party:

First, ORGANIZE! Make a list of everything that needs to be done. Keep the list handy so you can alter it as needed.

Then, PRIORITIZE! Figure out the Must Do's and tackle them first. Then consider the Want To Do's, see how much time and energy you have and decide how to proceed.

Finally, DELEGATE! Ask someone else to pick up the items on your grocery list. Or consider having a service come in to clean your home. Ask guests to supply the dessert or the wine. Don't be afraid to ask for help.

The following websites are personal favorites of ours, and we want to share them with you:

rachaelray.com - for simple holiday recipes and organizational tips.

flylady.net - helps you to organize your life and simplify!

hgtv.com - for decorating ideas.

realsimple.com - for helpful holiday hints.

allrecipes.com - real recipes submitted and reviewed by real people.

We hope you will find useful tips and information to help you to be a guest at your own party!

IF YOU'RE ALONE

Some of us live away from our family and may be alone or with only one or two people. Maybe it's the first year you're alone or maybe it's the tenth. It doesn't matter. The holidays for some are times of stress. We think we're supposed to be happy, but we're not. We think we're supposed to embrace the holidays, but maybe fear is standing in the way.

The first few years after my husband passed away when it was just my son and I, we traveled. I always made sure we were away. That way I didn't have to worry about what we were going to do. That worked for the Christmas vacation through high school but somewhere in middle school we stopped going away for Thanksgiving. I knew that I didn't want a dinner with just him and me nor did I want a traditional restaurant. It was just too hard. The first time we were home, we went to a Japanese Hibachi restaurant and not the one we always went to. We went about 45 minutes from home, so that it would be different. In later years I had a divorced friend and her son over and then we started going to a friend's house.

Here are some suggestions for things to do if you're alone:

INVITE all the people you know who are alone and follow Mary's suggestions to have a stress free holiday.

TELL A FRIEND that you're going to be alone. Your friends are your friends and they want to be there for you. My biggest mistake through my husband's illness and after was never asking for help. I've learned people want to help.

GO TO A RESTAURANT. Find one other person who is alone, or your child, or your parent and make a reservation at a restaurant where you never get to go. Make it special.
.
ASK AT YOUR HOUSE OF WORSHIP. Many churches and temples have dinners on Thanksgiving and other holidays. Many also know of people who welcome someone who is alone. Don't be embarrassed, do it. You never know you could meet your best new friends that night.

VOLUNTEER. If you're not ready for a celebration, volunteer. There are so many places that can use your help to serve meals to those who are less fortunate than we are.

The most important thing I can say is don't sit home alone. Embrace the holiday in as simple a way as you can and remember that your loved one wants you to be happy. This can be the first day of the rest of your life.

Having trouble -- call Mary or Fran or use the coupon on our November 1st newsletter.

Our Newest Book Choice-The Alchemist

2007-09-12T17:49:00.000-04:00

For our next book review and discussion, we have chosen The Alchemist by Paolo Coelho. Check out our link to Amazon.com to purchase this latest selection.

Empty Nester Syndrome

2007-09-10T12:41:00.000-04:00

My son is a senior now, but it seems like only yesterday that I was taking him down to college, helping him set up his dorm room and then on Saturday, a day before I had planned, saying goodbye. As I mentioned in Musings, for someone who has lost a spouse this was another time that the other parent missed a momentous occassion. For us it was the missed bar mitzvah, missed high school graduation and now missed going off to college.

We kept it short, I shed a tear and then drove the 4 hours home talking to friends all the way. Once I was home, it was empty. Even though for the prior year, since he got his license, I hardly saw him, it was different now. How did I cope? I thought pretty well until I looked back a year later. I coped by never being home. I scheduled myself to be busy every day and most nights. Even though during his senior year we had dinner maybe twice a week, that was by choice. The curfew so that I knew he was safe - gone. My only salvation was that I knew he wasn't driving.

I had a friend who said that she went into her son's room every day and cried and that she hadn't moved anything in his room, even to close books that were out. I thought she was being extreme but maybe she was being more honest with herself than I was saying i'm ok.

What would I have done differently? Most importantly, I would have acknowledged to myself that it might be hard, that I would miss him. Instead of being strong and saying I'm fine, because no one else believed me.

I think the other most important things would have been to use the tools that I've learned since then -- journaling, meditation and coaching. If you're having trouble getting into your back to school routine or handling the empty nest, call or email us and let us help you renew your path to your vision.

Book Discussion Group Update

2007-08-28T20:29:00.000-04:00

Our Book Discussion Group, originally scheduled for Tuesday, September 5th has been postponed until the following Tuesday, September 11th. The discussion times of 10AM and 7:30PM will remain the same. We are sorry for the inconvenience. Please email us or reply on the blog if you plan to participate. We look forward to hearing from you!

Making Use Of The Tools

2007-08-28T13:11:00.000-04:00

Mary's Experience:

Last week, I went in for a diagnostic procedure to determine the nature of an irregularity on my recent stress test. As they were predaring me for the Cardiac Catheterization, I sat quietly listening to "I Am Healed Now" which I purchased through our link to Think Right Now.

With eyes closed, paid close attention to my breathing...Inhale deeply through my nose - hold briefly - exhale fully through my mouth. I listened to the affirmations, listened to my breathing and I began to relax. When they came to wheel me into the cath lab, I calmly kissed my husband and off I went.

I felt good. The nervousness I had been feeling had been replaced by a sense of confidence and calm. I was ready.

Afterward, as I spent my manditory 2 hours recovering before I could walk again, I began the process all over again. I needed to focus on healing and waiting. Now, waiting for me is like torture, and I knew that I needed to remain relaxed and calm as I waited for the doctor to come in with the results.

When she arrived at my bedside and delivered the news that I had a blockage that needed attention, I was able to ask the questions and make the decisions about my options.

As I sat at home, following doctor's orders, recovering from the procedure and planning for the upcoming angioplasty to open the blockage and implant a stent, I continued to listen to "I Am Healed Now", to meditate and to journal about the upcoming events.

At Your New World Coaching, we really do practice what we preach. We really use the tools that we offer, we read the books that we discuss. We do it because it really does help to create a full and balanced life.

Just like you, we have challenges. How do we handle them? We work with our coaches. Honestly, we do.

If you have any questions about any of the products that we have linked to on our website, our blog or in our newsletter, please email us or post your comments on the blog and we will be happy to discuss them.

Spiritual Book Club Announcement

2007-08-09T08:59:00.001-04:00

Fran & Mary are pleased to announce that we will be holding our first Live Teleconference call to discuss the newest Book Club Selection, "The Next Thing On My List", by Jill Smolinski.

The live book club discussion will be held on Wednesday, September 5th. Some of you who have expressed an interest in joining us are available during the day and some of you are available at night. We're planning to hold two sessions, one at 10 a.m. and one at 7:30 p.m. Email us to sign up for either session and we'll send you the teleconference instructions.

We've even made it easy for you to get your copy of the book by clicking on the Amazon.com link provided. "The Next Thing On My List" is about a woman who decides to complete the wish list of someone who has died. We're sure you'll love and be inspired by the book, which we will also review in our September 1st issue of Visions.

We look forward to hearing from you!

Meditation

2007-07-30T21:55:00.000-04:00

Our current newsletter begins a series on Meditation. While I would like to be able to tell you that I meditate on a daily basis, that would be a real exaggeration. Sometimes I need to look outside myself for motivation, and I came across this DailyOM on the subject.

I have made a concerted effort to incorporate meditation into my daily routine, and I have been moderately successful. I have kept this article in my list of "favorites" to refer to when I need a metaphysical kick in the behind.

I hope that sharing this with you will help you on your journey.

Before The World Wakes Morning Meditation

Just before the coming of the pale rays of dawn, Mother Nature exists in a state of flux. Earth's energy is stable, free of the disordered vibrations that are a by-product of humanity's comings and goings. In these first moments of day, when the sun's golden light is only just peeking over the horizon, our animal mind remains in the land of slumber though we ourselves are awake. Deep sleep has washed away the impurities of existence that accumulated within us, so our mental, physical, and emotional potential is heightened. To meditate in this peaceful yet energetically charged in-between time is to connect with the divine in an extremely intimate fashion. We discover a new kinship with the universal life force during morning meditations because our awareness becomes a mirror for earthly consciousness—we wake as the world wakes, quietly embracing the joy of being and setting the tone for a serene, fulfilling day. In the first glorious glow of morning, the light, air, and energy flowing around us speak in hushed tones of the activity to come. While we recognize that another day of being means becoming once again immersed in the challenges of action and reaction, we also understand that we can draw upon the unique energetic qualities of daybreak for comfort, creativity, and vigor. There is bliss in the simple knowledge that we have been given the gift of another day of existence. We are inspired by sights and sounds of the sun's gentle ascension. Birds serenade the luminosity, which grows richer by the minute. And though we may feel a residual lethargy, our vitality returns as our meditation helps us to become one with the stirring of other beings rubbing the sleep from their eyes. At the start of each day, our destiny has not yet been written, and so there is nothing we cannot do. How we choose to meditate is less important than our choice to attune ourselves to the spirit of wakefulness that travels round the world each and every day. Even the briefest moment of quiet contemplation in the muted light of the sun can put all that is yet to come into perspective. As a consequence of our daybreak reflections, our lives are imbued with the same stability, tranquility, and increased awareness that humanity has long associated with the stillness of early morning.

The Power Of Intention

2007-07-10T16:14:00.000-04:00

In the July 15th issue of "Visions", we reviewed the book The Power Of Intention by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer. To continue that review, Mary and Fran will give you their feelings as they read the book.

Mary: I have to say that I had difficulty wading through the first chapter. I found it to be slow moving and just plain boring. Yet, I persisted, and by the middle of chapter 2, I was hooked.

As I progressed through the book, I found that there was a lot of good information, but it really got bogged down in the second half. If you are looking for an easy read, this isn't it. As with anything, I pick what works for me and disregard the rest.

Admittedly, if I had not been assigned this book by our spiritual book club, I would have put it aside and started reading the Nora Ephron book, I Feel Bad About My Neck. But I did persist and I'm glad I did. What I've gotten from it is that when we allow our ego to get in the way of our happiness we fail to learn the lesson that it's better to be happy than to be right.

I really prefer to have it both ways, so I guess I'll just keep working on it.

Fran: I think that the word difficulty is putting too mildly. In the prologue, Dr. Dyer suggests reading the last chapter before starting the book so that you can see what a person with intent looks like. I did. And then I read the first chapter and found it not only slow but cumbersome as well. Because I'm in the same spiritual book club as Mary, I too persisted. Somewhere in the middle of Chapter 2, I began to relate with the book. One of the things that I liked was that at the end of each chapter in Part I, Dr. Dyer gives you suggestions for implementing the ideas in that chapter. I think that these do help you to find your own intention.

I've only gotten through Chapter 4, but I will keep going. As I have been reading, there are many good points in the book BUT to me, it's just not worth the "drag" of reading it. There are so many other books that offer similar premises but are more readable, and we'll review those in the future. Since I'm going to continue reading check back to see if either of us has changed our opinions. I'll post when I finish.

If you've read the book, or are going to read the book, please add your comments to the blog. We are also forming a spiritual book club where we will discuss this and other books on a free teleconference call. Please email us if you are interested and we will let you know what the next book will be.

Spiritual Book Review - for one more day

2007-06-13T12:49:00.000-04:00

In his book for one more day, Mitch Albom chronicles a compelling story about a man named Charley Benetto. Charley is divorced from his wife, estranged from his daughter and crumbled by alcohol and regret. He decides to take his own life and make a last trip back to his hometown to do it. As he reaches the town, he has an car accident and encounters his mother who died eight years earlier.

The book alternates between Charley's youth and the present day with his mother. It is the day so many of us wish for -- the chance to spend one day with someone we've lost -- the chance to learn about things we wished we knew, to say the things we never said. His mother says to him "Have you ever dreamt of someone who's gone, Charley, but in the dream you have a new conversation?" The day Charley spends with his mother gives him an insight he never had and a chance to decide whether to live or die.

An amazing book that left me in tears was both tragic and uplifting. I highly recommend it.

OUR SECOND INTERVIEW AND TELECLASS

2007-06-01T16:08:00.000-04:00

Well, we just sent out our second newsletter and if you read it you know that this weeks interviewee is Mary Caprio. We're starting our interview series with the founders of Your New World Coaching so that you know our stories and may better understand why we felt compelled to start Visions and Your New World Coaching.

As before, we will be continuing the interview on June 12, 2007 at 7:00 PM EDT. The call-in number is 1-641-297-5800 and the code is 071206#.

YNWC: Mary, I know you're a widow and that you've remarried. When did your husband pass away?

Mary: October 26, 2000.

YNWC: Was it sudden or a long illness?

Mary: He'd been sick for 2 1/2 years and for two of those he required home care which I provided.

YNWC: Were you working at the time?

Mary: I was working and had to leave my job to take care of him.

YNWC: How did you feel about that?

Mary: Part of me was glad that I was able to do it and part of me was scared of the financial impact on my family and part of me was resentful that the life we had started to build had to come to an end.

YNWC: When did you first realize that he wasn't going to make it?

Mary: On May 29, 1998 the day that he was diagnosed.

YNWC: What was your feeling?

Mary: I lost my brother to leukemia a year and a half before and Doug's cancer was non-Hodgkin's lymphoma and I knew the success rate was not good.

YNWC: When Doug died, did you think you would remarry?

Mary: No, never. Doug and I talked about it and he said I should remarry that I was good at it and it would be a shame for me not to. I said no, never!

YNWC: What changed?

Mary: I was tired of going to the movies alone. I was roaming around the house at 3 AM with nothing to do so I was on the Internet a lot. This was before pop-up blockers so Match.com kept popping up and I thought I would find someone to go to the movies and out to dinner with.

To hear the rest of Mary's story and more importantly how she has become the person she now is, listen to our Teleclass on Tuesday, June 12th at 7 PM EDT. The call in number is 1-641-297-5800 and the code is 071206#.

Never been on a teleclass, email us if you need more directions.

Free Live Interview- Tuesday, May 22, 2007

2007-05-03T08:17:00.000-04:00

If you are reading this blog, you have no doubt received our premier issue of Your New World Coaching's newsletter, "Visions".

On Tuesday, May 22nd at 7:00 PM (EDT) Mary Caprio, co-founder of Your New World Coaching will be conducting a live interview with the co-founder, Fran Elster, a widow who shares her story about raising a young child on her own.

You can listen to our interview live by calling (218) 339-7800 and entering the PIN 52207#.

The call will last about 60 minutes, including a Question & Answer period.

We hope you'll join us.

Here is a preview of Fran's story:

YNYC: I know your husband was sick for several years before he passed away. How did you feel when it became apparent that he wasn't going to make it?

Fran: From the day he was diagnosed, we knew that it was a life sentence. The question was how long would we have. But at the same time, I was in total denial and never really believed it.

YNWC: When did it first really hit you?

Fran: My husband was home on hospice for 4-5 months. The doctor stopped by to see him. My son asked what the doctor said, and I realized that he didn't understand. I had to explain it to my child that his dad was not going to be like this forever, that he would get worse and that his father would die.

YNWC: Some people say that it is easier when you know what's coming because you begin your grieving process while the person is still alive. Was that true in your case?

Fran: It's not easier, it's different. By the time they do pass away, you feel as if you have been grieving for what seems like forever. And yet you still have them with you.

YNWC: Was there a defining moment that started you on the path to rebuilding your life?

Fran: Yes-on December 14, 2003.....

To hear the rest of Fran's story, please tune in for our Live Interview on May 22nd at 7 PM. She will tell her story and answer your questions.